🌸The Tomb of Christ (In Japan!)🌸

In my third year of living in Japan I felt like the common adventure would no longer cut it. It was time for true adventure. An epic worthy of tales. So I set my humble sights on visiting the tomb of our lord and saviour. Apparently, contrary to popular belief, he hadn’t died on the cross and gone to heaven, but instead come to live out his life in Japan until the ripe age of 106. The rascal.

Aomori prefecture is the northernmost point of mainland Japan. Roughly a 9 hour drive from Tokyo, it is a tranquil slice of countryside. Scenic rice paddies enclosed by rolling hills and mountains covered in lush green forests. It’s no little surprise then that Jesus Christ decided to move there rather than be nailed to a wooden cross. There, in the village of Shingo, you’ll find not one, but two graves. One for Jesus, and one for his less known brother, Isukiri.

Jesus's Grave - Unimpressed

Legend has it that Jesus was never in fact crucified. It was his brother, Isukiri, who switched places with him at the last moment, and took his place on the cross. Casually, I might add.  Jesus then took a lock of Mary’s hair and Isukiri’s ear (we can’t judge him for being creepy, he is the Lord’s son afterall) and moved to Japan where he diligently studied the Shinto faith, married a Japanese woman, had three children, and died peacefully at the age of 106. Supposedly the people of Shingo village are his descendants and are supposed to resemble him in appearance.

These beliefs stem from what are known as the Takenouchi Documents. They are cult texts which frankly make scientology seem dull and plausible by comparison. According to those texts, before history, the world government was located in Japan (who would have guessed). Then, the 5 great holy masters of the world, Moses, Jesus, Mohammed, Shakyamuni Buddha, Confucius and Lao Tsu were born into the 5-coloured races which are just branches of the Japanese race. They went out into the world for study and training. Taking that in mind, I imagine the rest of this article will seem sane in comparison.

There is a little museum dedicated to the history and belief of this particular sect. In it you can find the will and testament of Christ, a history of how he came to Japan, as well as some creepy dolls.

 

I didn’t have the heart to tell the little lady working there that Jesus, having come probably from the Middle East, was as likely to have had blue eyes as the cat-robot Doraemon. What particularly impresses me is the route Christ supposedly took. Apparently after the Jews didn’t take to the Shinto faith he went from Alaska to Japan. But how he got from Judea to Alaska is not even mentioned. I’m pretty sure there weren’t boats that could make a trip across the Atlantic back then. Then again maybe he just walked, who knows?

The icing on the cake, in my view, is this plaque that the government of Israel donated to this site to authenticate it. I’m sure that the people of Israel, who might or might not still hold a grudge towards the Christian faith for the upheaval of their own religion, were absolutely chuffed to authenticate something so bizzare and stupid with regards to the Christianity. I can just imagine some rabi who gets all kinds of letters everyday proclaiming witnessed miracles and holy acts reading this letter sent from Japan no less, proclaiming this version of events. I’m sure the explosive laughter from his office must have been mistook for pure religious extacy.

Jerusalem Trolling The Big J
Now it’s legit.

If your lust for crazy is not sated, feel free to experience it yourself. There’s a Christ festival held on the first Sunday of June every year. Christ Festival

🌸Sokushinbutsu: The Self-Made Mummies of Tsuruoka ğŸŒ¸

Do you ever think to yourself – “God, how truly wonderful it would be if I buried myself underground, lived off of nuts, roots, and water, whilst ingesting poison for three years and three months?” Well, someone in Japan did. “Hold my beer,” they said as they put the masochists of the world to shame.

The Mummy 2

The practice of sokushinbutsu (buddhahood in this very body) was thought to have been brought over from China by Japanese monks. The practice begins with the monk slowly reducing their diet from grains such as lentils, rice, soybeans, and sesame, to eating only nuts, grass, and roots found in the local mountains, thus removing any body fat, and helping prepare them for the mummification. They also ingest a poisonous tree bark which, besides from slowly killing you, also has the added health benefit of drying out your organs so they don’t decompose once you become an undead holy husk. Once the monk feels they approach death, they go in an underground pit where they chant the nenbutsu (a buddhist mantra). Eventually, they would also abstain from water, helping further shrink and dry out their organs and body. This process would take usually take around 3,300 days. There would be a small bell in the chamber, and the imprisoned monk would ring it every morning to signal he is still alive. When he stopped ringing the bell, the other monks would know he is dead. They would wait three years and three months, and then proceed to clean and dress the monk in new robes. The self-mummified monk would become a holy relic at a temple, where people would come to pray for health, guidance, and good fortune.

“Cool story, but why though,” I hear you ask. This particular sect of buddhists believed that by doing this practice they would become one with the cosmic Buddha, and their sacrifice would help alleviate the misfortunes of those living around them.

The most famous of these monks is probably Tetsumonkai. He famously killed a Samurai, who, while drunk, dismissed Tetsumonkai’s warnings that the dam at the local river was about to collapse due to a recent flood. The two fought and the samurai was slain. To escape punishment for his crimes, he became a monk. He was a devoted monk, and as early as his 20s, he had decided that he wanted to become a sokushinbutsu in order to help the people. When a nearby volcano erupted and showered the surrounding area with ash, many people got an eye disease. He took his own left eye out and cast it into the Sumida River as an offering to the deity of Mt. Yudono so that the people’s eye disease may be cured. At the age of 71, or 91, texts differ, he began the process of becoming a sokushinbutsu.

There are 18 of these mummies across Japan. The most famous of these can be found in Tsuruoka, Yamagata prefecture, Japan. They can be found at Dainichibo, Honmyou, Kaiko, and Nangaku temple. There are monks present which will tell you the history of the sokushinbutsu. Unfortunately for you English-speakers, that’s only available in Japanese. However, there are English-speaking staff at Dainichibo who can give you know-how of what’s what.

Mummy Tales at Dainichibo Temple

Tetsumonkai’s robes are changed every 6 years by local monks. You can view the ceremony, however, the changing of his underwear is done behind a screen, presumably to preserve his divine, uh, integrity. Though you would think once you’ve starved and poisoned yourself for years, died and become a god, a little exhibitionism wouldn’t be a problem, but hey, we’re all slaves to propriety it seems, gods and all. The old robes are cut up into small pieces and put inside talismans you can purchase to secure your health and good fortune – the latter seeming rather superfluous, as once you know what these guys went through, any fate seems a fortunate one in comparison. Mission achieved, I guess.

🌸The Tekkojima Iron Island Festival🌸

Made of cement, steel beams, and industry, the small island of Keihinjima doesn’t look like much. A mere twenty minutes away from Haneda airport, it is an artificial island created for iron manufacturing and recycling. Grey streets, warehouses, and shipping containers dominate the landscape. And the only pulse that can be heard is that of metal and the heavy machinery that works it in the warehouses spread across the island.

Despite this, in this unlikely place, the youth of Kaihinjima have decided to reclaim this space as one for art and expression. In 2016, the Buckle Kobo creative hub decided to transform their metal home into a melting pot for contemporary music, film, art, and expression.

With just a few sound systems and projectors, the empty warehouses transform into clubs, filled with sound, light, and people. And the empty streets suddenly have a new pulse.

Tekkojima Warehouse Club
With just a little light and sound, a cold and empty warehouse suddenly becomes the place to be.

The streets are lined with artisanal food and drink vendors, offering everything from cheese and avocado koroke to nutella latés. Performance artists roam the streets singing, dancing, and toying with various forms of expression. Paintings and art installations are aplenty. Some seek to please the eye, while others strive to express the sense of identity the people of Keihinjima have with metal work.


The Tekkojima Island Festival was a fantastic experience. Every year they have more and more artists showing up. Some of Tokyo’s most innovative and creative musicians, film makers, artists, and performers make an appearance. It is truly a wonderful thing to see, how a community can so drastically transform itself into something so colourful and lively.

I’ll let their promo video have the last word. If you’re ever in the area this time of the year, do yourself a favour and make an experience. It’s definitely one of the more authentic festivals out there.

 

The Hakone Open-air Museum/Little Prince Museum

Having recently reached the second year of my life in Japan I had developed a more refined taste for attractions and adventures. Well, perhaps not more refined, but rather more demanding. If you threw the word “island” at me paired it with just about any animal in front of it, I would probably be there faster than a salaryman slurps raamen, or an NKH man knocking at your door.

For some time now I have had my eye on The Hakone Open-air Museum. It’s an attraction located in the southern mountains of Kanagawa. It is roughly a 3-4 hour trip by train from central Tokyo. It is an open-air park in the midst of beautiful, lush mountains. There’s a great variety of sculptures and art installations all across the park.  If you appreciate sculpture or just artistic expression in general, this would definitely be a good go for you. As an added bonus, there’s a little Picasso art gallery in the middle of it, so if you’re a fan, you got two reasons to go. “But I want three!” I hear you ask. Well, just a short bus ride away, there’s a Little Prince museum which has sculptures and installations from the book, as well as photographs and excerpts of the author’s work.

The sculptures are the main focus of the Hakone Open-air museum. There’s a great variety of the themes, styles, and materials used. Sadly, no photographs are allowed in the Picasso museum, so you’ll have to find out for yourselves 😛

 

The Little Prince museum is a short bus ride away. Unlike most such museums which are just a giant box with cool stuff inside, this one is made to look like a little French villa. It’s adorned with roses and gardens along the way. There’s even a section of it that’s made out to look like a French street. There are statues of the characters strewn around the gardens. And once you go inside you can enjoy a vast variety of content. There are photographs of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. There’s detailed maps showing the flights he used to take across Africa, and the nature of his adventures. There are manuscripts, doodles, and illustrations. There are descriptions of both his early and later life. And all this along dark and intimate rooms and hallways painted in backdrops from his most famous book.

Again, sorry for the lack of photographs from the inside of the museum. Many of the rooms forbid it. It’s probably for the best, though. This is something better experienced than seen. If you’re ever in Hakone, don’t think twice. These two attractions are well worth the price of admission, and you’d be hard pressed to find anything quite like them anywhere else.

Bon Voyage!

Never Undo – Friday Song of The Week

Dear Chris and Listener,

This week I got something special for you lot. Morcheeba, one of my absolute favourite bands has released “Never Undo” for their upcoming album Blaze Away, which should be in stores June first.

They’ve been around since 1995, and have 8 solid albums under their belt. They’re a trip-hop electronic group which knows just how to blend the new with the enjoyable. Skye Edwards’s sensual, warm voice leaves you asking for little, while Ross Godfrey builds a groovy backdrop of rock, blues, and jazz for her to play with. All of this is doused with a masterful electronic touch.

I strongly recommend all their albums, each sounding very different from the next. I can not hype this band enough, they are truly one of my all-time favourites.

April tracks

Introduction by In Love With a Ghost

Lazy Bones by Jeremy Messersmith

Never Undo by Morcheeba

🌸All Hail The Iron Penis, or Kanamara Matsuri Festival🌸

Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong?
It’s swell to have a stiffy.
It’s divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger,
To the world’s biggest prick.

Well, Japan definitely seems to think so. Vagina demons, penis black smiths, and lollypops. Ladies, gents, and other such creatures, today we look at the penis festival that is Kanamara Matsuri (Festival of The Steel Phallus).

 

This tradition started in 1969. It is an annual festival held near Kawasaki, Japan. Though it is on April first, make no mistake, this is no joke. Some serious penis tomfoolery goes down every year on this auspicious day.

The legend goes that a demon fell in love with a woman and lodged himself inside her vagina (as one does). She was a strong woman, a confident woman, and not the type to let a little pesky vagina demon get in the way of her happiness. So she found a man, married him, and come the nuptial night, the demon bit off the man’s penis (as one does). However, she was not deterred. She found herself another man, and went on to marry him as well. Come the nuptial night, however, the demon bit off the man’s bits again (as one does). Having had enough, the woman sought the help of the two blacksmith gods enshrined in Kanayama shrine, Kanayamahiko and Kanayamahime.

“Bites off me man’s bits, he does, filthy little demon dude,” she said.

“Most uncool, and heinous,” said Kanayamahiko.

“Most heinous, and uncool,” added Kanayamahime.

Together they fashioned an iron dildo of supreme godliness and craftsmanship. They gifted her the dildo, which she used to smash the demon’s teeth (as one does). The demon fled her vagina, and she was free to marry again without the worry of a demon biting off her man’s fun bits. And all lived happily ever after, except of course the demon (for he had no teeth), and the first two husbands (for they had no penises).

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Vulgar nonsense!” Well, honestly, with the exception of a few comedic liberties, that is actually more or less the story. “LIAR!” you say; well, feel free to Google it yourself.

In the absence of vagina demons, these days the festival celebrates fertility, safe childbirth, and a protection from STI’s. It is a very light-hearted festival, nowhere near as serious as some of the other more popular Shinto celebrations. People wear penis hats, suck on penis lollies, and take turns petting giant stone and iron penises for good luck. It is always heavily attended, and a lot of fun. You can get all kinds of fun merchandise, such as penis towels, penis t-shirts, penis key chains, penis candles, or penis stickers, to round off your day.

 

For those of you with children, don’t be discouraged. This is not at all considered a lewd or adult celebration. There are children present, and it is considered very normal.

I absolutely recommend this experience as it is very fun and silly, but also a rare look at the bawdy aspects of Japanese culture and mythology that we don’t often get to see.

Let Me Out – Friday Song of The Week

Dear Chris and Listener,

Thanks for sending Gone Molly’s track my way. I do love me a good Irish sound, and I hold a special place in my heart for old folk songs. A good story, emotive voices, and just all the right vibes – the song had it. Cheers!

This week’s band needs no introduction. They aren’t below the radar by any stretch of the imagination. But the track I stumbled upon was simply too good and fresh not to share. I am talking about Gorillaz’ Let Me Out.

To anyone already familiar with Gorillaz you won’t be surprised when I say there’s a flawless blend of five or so genres in this track. There’s three sets of vocals taking turns on the wheel of the song, the percussion is constantly in motion between the verses and choruses. I love the Soul and R&B movements in the track, they contrast the heavier hip hop elements beautifully.

Their new album, Humanz, echoes the creativity and quality of some of their best stuff, like Demon Days. It’s great to see such creative and talented artists back on top of their game. I can’t wait until I see them this summer!

March List

“Let Me Out” by Gorillaz