Reviewed by Vladi

Ladies, gentlemen, and other such creatures, praise the lord! Mr. Guy Ritchie walks the Guy Ritchieearth once more. He’s that cool, pleasant dude who takes you out for a pint of beer, and has just enough funny stories to last a conversation. The smiles and laughs come easy, as he tells you a few jokes. The jokes themselves aren’t too special, but he tells them just the way they have to be told to get some genuine laughs out of you. You offer to split the bill, but he waves it off with some bravado, tips the waitress too much, shakes your hand and goes on his way, leaving you thinking “I wish we could hang out more often.”

Guy Ritchie is one of those directors that makes movies just his way. If you’ve seen oneThe Man From Uncle Main of his movies, then any time you see something from him, you’ll go “Oh, that’s a Ritchie flick.” He is probably most famous for Snatch (2000), RockNRolla (2008), and the Sherlock Holmes series (2009-2011). The thing you are absolutely guaranteed when you watch a movie by Guy Ritchie is that it will be a) Hella’ fresh, and b) Fun. Just simply put, Guy Ritchie likes to make fun movies. And The Man from U.N.C.L.E. is no exception.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. is a remake of a 1968 spy sitcom. The main premise is that during the Cold War, the C.I.A. and KGB team up their two best agents, Napoleon Solo (Henry Caville) and Illya Kuryakin (Armie Hammer) as an unlikely pair to fight and solve super crime.

-Quick aside: I can not EMPHASIZE just how perfect it is that ARMIE HAMMER is playing Illya, a super Russian KGB spy. I mean, just process it for a second. ARMIE(Y?) HAMMER. It sounds like a Soviet super hero. The stars clearly aligned for this movie. Moving on.

The plot premise for this movie is that both agents have to work alongside Gaby (Alicia Vikander), the daughter of a recently missing nuclear scientist. Through her, they hope to be able to infiltrate the people who have kidnapped her father with the intent of building a nuclear missile to threaten the world.

Truly, what else do you need in a spy flick? Oh, good humour, sound track, acting, and authenticity, you ask? No worries, on its way with a side of EPIC WIN.

The movie’s balls of fun. Every scene without fail is well thought out. What I mean by that is that there are no scenes that are just fillers to move along the plot. You give Guy Ritchie a car chase, and he’ll make sure that he makes it HIS car chase. He’ll organize the scene in a way you’re not used to seeing it in other movies, he’ll put build up and tension in it without the use of loud explosions and shaky cam. He’ll add a soundtrack that you’re not used to hearing. In fact, he’ll make half the movie just percussion and make it WORK. A combination of percussion and subtle wind instruments will dictate the pace and tension in the scenes like they are characters in them, and they’ll do it with perfection.

-On that note, Daniel Pemberton, you’re THE MAN! This man knocked this music score OUT OF THE PARK, and then he burned the park down. Seriously, the score is 10/10 on this flick. Absolute pleasure to listen to it along side the movie. More of this, less Hanz Zimmer copycats, pleaaaaaase!

You give Guy Ritchie a montage, you’ll see montages shown in split-screen shots that are straight to the point, entertaining and original. You give Guy Ritchie puns and cheap humour, and he’ll make sure that they are timed to the millisecond, just when they are needed, just quirky enough and over the top to make you laugh with your snobby dignity forgotten. Nothing about this movie is lazy.

The casting in this movie is actually perfect. Not great, but PERFECT. Every character is cast on point. Every actor fills out their role just as they should and they take up screen presence when they do it. Henry Caville is literally THE perfect classy, charming, panty-dropping, Bond-like spy. He’s got sexy and class coming out the ass. Armie Hammer also nails it with Illya. He’s over the top just enough to be funny, and nowhere near annoying. Kind of like a perfectly filled pint of beer, with that millimetre or two of foam resting on top of your pint, inanimately asking you how gravity allows such perfection to materialize in front of you. Alicia Vikander is fun, fiesty, sexy, and intriguing all rolled into one. It’s nice to see women in spy flicks have their own character aside from just a figure 8 body in lingerie (though we do get some of that, courtesy of Marianna Di Martino, despair not). And everyone else as well is spot on, there’s too many to name in this little review, but you’ll see what I mean when (not IF) you see this film. Even the less prominent roles are done perfectly. A sense of presence is demanded from every actor in every scene of this movie.

Uncle Trio
Illya, Gaby, and Napoleon doing their thing and being fly as f*#%.

I can go on and on and on and on about how this is movie-making done right, but really, I’m trying to keep it short and sweet. It doesn’t matter if you’re a movie buff or not, if you pay your ticket to see this movie, YOU WILL HAVE FUN. Guaranteed. But if you happen to also be a movie buff, you’ll greatly enjoy the touch of creative and original film-making that Guy Ritchie is so used to delivering. On that jazzy note, I rest my case. Go see zis mooouvie comerade!

Soviet Bear

Written by Vladi Ardenski

Currently living and exploring the awesome Japan! More of my mysterious sexy persona to be revealed soon in internets near you...

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